Husbands: How to Cherish Your Wife Starting Today

How to cherish your wife is today’s topic, and you can start implementing any of these suggestions immediately. This one is for the husbands.  (Or for the wife to give to her husband for a subtle hint.)

One thing unique about this post is that the answer for, “How to Cherish Your Wife”, will be coming to you from both Mark’s (the husband) and myself, Brittany’s (the wife), perspective.  

While we don’t always get it right, we are shooting for God’s design in our marriage.  Spoiler alert:  That right there is the answer.  God’s design.  

So, here we go. How to cherish your wife:

First off, the fact that you, husband, are reading this, is awesome!  This says that you care about being a better husband and that your marriage relationship is important to you.  

Take a second and reminisce about when you first met and got to know your wife.  

What a special time that was.  Think about what drew you to her.  Her smile.  Personality.  How she was the most beautiful woman you’ve ever gotten to talk to.  The way she made you feel.  How you knew she desired you more than anyone else.  The way she made you think you were her hero.  Didn’t you love that?!?

Now, think about what drew her to you.  

Your charm.  The extra attention she got from you as compared to anyone else.  The little gift you’d pick up at the store.  The way you wanted to be close to her.  The way you’d prioritize her above everything.  The spontaneous times you yearned for as a couple.  The gentle tone and encouragement you’d give her.  The way she knew she was the only woman you had eyes for.  I bet it was all easy to do too.

Keep in mind this post is about how to cherish your wife.  We’re talking to the husbands, not the wives. That’ll be a different post for a different day.  For now, however, you should go and re-read the two paragraphs right above this.  

Couples seem to feed off one another.

When one spouse is happy, the other one seems to find their way there too.  If discouragement comes through the door/been a difficult day, the other spouse tends to get discouraged as well.  Similarly, where there’s more kindness being shown by one spouse, the other suddenly seems to find ways to also express more kindness.   

And our favorite, when more love is being shown, more respect follows.  

Reminds me of a verse:  

“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Ephesians 5:33

Basically the go-to Christian marriage verse.  We’ve almost all heard it.  So much, in fact, that it can be easy to just skim over it without giving it the thought and attention it deserves.  But alas, it’s almost like God knew exactly what was needed in marriage to make it work.  OF COURSE HE KNEW!  And He gave us the answer to how to cherish your wife right in clear sight.  

Love and respect feed off of one another, and this is where it starts.  Frankly husbands, if you’re not loving your wife more than yourself, you are leading the problem.  After all, you’re the leader.

Remember how you showed love at the beginning?  

The extra attention.  The random gifts.  The gentleness.  Your desire for her companionship. Consequently, notice how all of that love showing worked hand in hand with her reciprocating those things.  You were her hero.  A man among men in her eyes.  As a result you naturally made her want to commit to making you happy.

So, if actions, feelings, and words between spouses go hand in hand, we’ve now created either a positive or a negative situation.  

Where are you at in your marriage, and how did you get there?  Being as you’re reading a post on how to cherish your wife, we’re going to go on a limb and assume things are off track slightly, majorly, (or you just want to do better). Today is the time to start. We never know. There might not be a tomorrow.

When things are trending negatively, the answer to how you got here is generally pretty easy to determine.  Can you relate to any of these:

Life got too busy with work, responsibilities, and hobbies (that you left her out of).  You’ve become too busy building a life that you forgot to live one.  

Your eyes and thoughts are wandering. (Porn is NOT ok.  Ever.  Neither are lustful thoughts.  If you’re viewing porn, you shouldn’t wonder why your marriage is hurting.  Stop.  Immediately.  There are no excuses.  It is a sin.  You’re better than that, and she deserves a man with more integrity.)  

Stress has you down so far, and you’re trying to do it all alone (rather than drawing strength from the Lord).  

You don’t want to mention the failures as you don’t want her thinking you are one (She won’t, and the fact that you’re cutting her out is where the failure is.)  

She’s hurt you.  (Have you told her that?  If not, you need to asap.)  

You’re just lazy and lacking ambition.  (Are you a man or a man-child.  No more.  You’ve got to grow up.  How can you be an example of a Godly man if you’re missing the “man” part? No one likes to hear of a grown man like this, yet, here we are. Hearing about it way too often. Don’t be that guy. It’s embarrassing. Stop it.)  

Because there’s nothing new under the sun, whatever the reason, whether listed above or not, you can overcome it.  The real question is, “How is your relationship with God?”  Everything else will flow from here, including how to cherish your wife.

That’s some tough truth above.  

And while accurate that your relationship with God is going to directly affect your relationship with your wife, how about we turn to some practical, tangible ideas, shall we?

Love languages are a big deal that have been a common tool for couples for several years now.  The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, are the idea that if we can determine how our cherished spouse receives love, they’ll feel it more.  The spouses will know how to speak in the (love) language their spouse really understands.  

Here are the 5 Love Languages:

1. Words of affirmation 
2. Acts of service
3. Gifts
4. Quality time
5. Physical touch

It is interesting to note that very often, whichever of the languages you tend to naturally do yourself, is likely what your language is.  Meaning if I tend to buy things for Mark often, that is actually probably the best way I receive love.  In which case, Mark should try to remember to buy me gifts.  Sure this could mean diamond rings and fancy cars, but it also means a pack of gum.  A cup of coffee.  Small things work just as well.

Suffice it to say, I can’t just speak my language because it’s my main tongue.  No, rather, I need to speak his language and vice versa.

Here are the 10 ideas Mark had on how to cherish your wife:

1. Take her to get coffee
2. Take her to the chiropractor
3. Buy tighter jeans to wear, even though they’re uncomfortable
4. Get her a milk cow
5. Make dinner occasionally
6. Clean the house up when she’s gone so she comes home to a clean house
7. Tell her she’s cherished
8. Have date night
9. Speak gently
10. Rub her back

Meanwhile, from reading Mark’s list, you can easily see he is an acts of service man for his love language.  And boy, do I appreciate that SO much!  It really makes me feel like we are a true team and as though I don’t have to carry the entire load.  

Of course, some of those ideas were only applicable to us.  In example, the cow.  But what is your “cow”?  Is it scheduling a trip?  Going to a concert?  Hiking?  A new kitchen tool to make her life easier?  Obviously, we all have different ways. (Markedly, often a mix of languages.)  So what speaks loudly for the two of you?

Now here is a list of how to cherish your wife from Brittany’s perspective:

1. Spiritual leadership is the most important thing and as a Christian husband this should be the most important thing to you as well
2. Embrace, even if for only one minute, on a daily basis
3. Write a love note and put it somewhere it’ll surprise her
4. Put the phone down and make eye contact
5. Send a sweet text
6. NEVER put her down in front of others
7. Hold her hand
8. Include her in your free time
9. Help her keep a level, rational head when things are stressful
10. Keep the car fueled

As you can see, by reading my, Brittany’s, list, it would appear that words of affirmation is my love language.  In which case, when Mark uses words of affirmation, he is really making me feel cherished.  Do you see what I am saying?  

Moreover, it is totally fine to ask your spouse what their love language is, or you can simply determine it by how you notice they show you love.  Find out what it is, and then start to speak that way.  

Here are some ideas for all the languages so you will have some specific ideas on how to cherish your wife:

Words of Affirmation:

1. Send a sweet text
2. Compliment the way she looks, especially if it is a special occasion and there is obvious extra effort.  Daily is good too.
3. Let her know she’s doing a good job at whatever it is she does
4. Thank her for something specific she does for you.  For example, your laundry.
5. Remind her what it is that you like about her.  PS: We realize there are times it may be hard to come up with something, but you know you can find something, even if it is irrelevant in the scheme of life. 

Act of Service (Simple gestures are definitely ok!):

1. Take out the trash
2. Pitch in or do the dishes
3. Switch the laundry
4. Re-fill the windshield washer fluid
5. Put the kids to bed and encourage her to go unwind in quiet

Gifts:

1. Bring her home flowers.  Obvious and cliché but still wonderful!
2. Get her a devotional book that compliments her personality
3. Give her a gift card to her favorite store
4. Bring her favorite coffee/drink home
5. Get tickets to an event, and go have a big night.  Bonus if you have her buy a new outfit to wear.

Quality Time:

1. Go on a drive together  
2. Take a walk or hike
3. Book a motel for the evening for just you two
4. Pull out a board game is a fun way of spending time together and get in some laughs
5. Pray together before you get out of bed

Physical Touch:

1. Hold hands regularly
2. Big kiss/embrace before either of you leave the bedroom for the day
3. Sit next to each other on the couch.  The recliner is not your friend unless she is on your lap.
4. Massage her shoulders, especially on a stressful day
5. Put your arm around her during the Sunday sermon

Undoubtedly, once you start regularly doing these things, it is more than likely that you will ignite all those same type of attributes you originally had together.  

You will feel like a better husband.  A better leader.  There is so much joy that will come out of spending consistent time intentionally caring about how to cherish your wife.  She will thank you.  Your kids will notice.  You will be more enjoyable to be around.  More than anything, you will be following God’s word of loving your wife more than yourself.  Things seem to fall into place thereafter.  

In conclusion, learn her language…or reacquaint yourself with it.  Simultaneously, start speaking it loudly.

In due time, she will know that you have committed to knowing and acting on how to cherish your wife.

(It needs to be said, that this post is assuming both spouses love the Lord and desire to do His will.  Of course, we understand this is not always the case and how hard that can be.  We would be humbled to pray for your marriage and help where we could if you’d like to contact us at purpose@itstartsatourhome.com.)